My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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