I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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