your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
