STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
