Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
