do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
