The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
