I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she pinky promised me she was 18
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
