people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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