Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...