I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.