Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos