Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...