There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you would pick up someone in the library
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
