just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
