Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
