i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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