Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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