just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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