Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
