sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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