pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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