I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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