Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
