i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
