she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
