We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
