things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
