Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
