Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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