I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
