I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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