he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
