My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
