this just has baby written all over it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize