fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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