All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This baby is an asshole
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize