GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
