But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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