This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
