Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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