Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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