she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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