I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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