the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
