He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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