I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
