you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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