Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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