You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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