How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
my poor anus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
