paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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