I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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