Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
