i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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