my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I didn't notice because vodka
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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