Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
