I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
