Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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