You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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