Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
