my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
