she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
