After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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