i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
