I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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