Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
