someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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