Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
