What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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