i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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