I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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