So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
