Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
